Too Cryptic

Since Internet, I get to see UK & US newspapers again.
Or at least I get to browse headlines rapidly, then dip into a few articles every day.

What strikes me, coming back to English-language headlines after French ones, is how tortuously cryptic they are.
French headlines, mainly in the sports pages, occasionally go as far as a pun, but otherwise remain immediately comprehensible.
English (language) ones seem to be having a crypticity (no, it doesn't exist) competition.
Is there an Oscar for the most obscure, misleading, time-to-decipher-wasting headline?
Or is it just an in-joke between writers?

Here are a few I have collected.
Imagine you are a foreign, English-language student trying to wring meaning from these.
Or an automatic translation software writer (though I am certainly not suggesting we change our writing styles for them).

• Immigration fuels rent rises
• Blair set to outline quit plans
• Phone links with LTTE-held area snap
• Doctor training reform delay call
• Dog attack boy stable in hospital
• Stocks eye flat open
• Hero guard slams crash fines for Network Rail
• Ferry girl bar snub for wills
• Kids' jabs bond aid
• Rumsfeld exit lessens threat to nuclear sites, hardliners believe
• Diana jury inquest move prominent
• Poor forces housing 'for decades'
• Democrats Search for Exit Strategy From Iraq Showdown With Bush
• Dead biker family meet watchdog
• Beau cop busted in ma-to-be's slay
• Darling makes banks change pledge
• Conkers win is double over French
• Nato stretch spurs force rethink
• Yahoo profit bolsters takeover defence
• Norman stoic after Open near miss
• House price plunge fuels recession fear
• UK rate futures tumble as rate cut bets unwound
• BBC prank calls row goes to Trust
• Japan Stocks Post Best Weekly Rally in a Month
• Saying Times implied McCain affair, lobbyist sues

Parting thot: "Writing distills, crystallizes & clarifies thought." - Stephen R Covey